This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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