she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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