I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
