Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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