do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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