found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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