I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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