is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
