hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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