So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
