He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize