Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
