I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
