you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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