life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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