forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
