So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
