he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
