I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
