I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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