sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
