i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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