I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
