Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I love having hate sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
