that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
