I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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