yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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