just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize