And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
