Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
