Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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