You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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