In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
