Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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