Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
