I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
