i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
