2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
smell my finger.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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