May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
