put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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