she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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