I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
