The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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