i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
