conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
