I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize