is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
