She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
