Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
