I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
