Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
