No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
why is half of my head shaved?
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