if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
