it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
