okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize