At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
