lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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