that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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