WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
