You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
