You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We have started to decorate penises.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
