there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
someone threw a dead crab at me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
