Banned from zoo.
Again?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
