don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
