So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize