If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
