I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
