Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
