About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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