I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
