his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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