That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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