I smell stomach acid.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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