so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
