see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize