You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
