Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
