why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
