you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
