what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
