the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
