K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
