I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
