I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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