i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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