I heard we made out
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize