my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
MIDGETS
????
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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