i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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