I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
