Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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