I'm eating all of the evidence.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
