I just pynch a tree in the face
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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