Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
