She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
