those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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