Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
