I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
