just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
