i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
