She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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