I must be too annoying 4 u.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
