All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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