My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
home. puking in laundry basket.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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