Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
