hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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