Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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