And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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