apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Randomize
