I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
